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By Prue Bell

How Do I Pick An Engagement Ring Without Her Knowing?

02 September 2022

So what are you planning?

Have you made up your mind that you are going to pop the question?

Is this something you have talked about with her? Or is it going to come out of left field and blow her mind?! Of course, these days it has become more common for couples to more carefully consider and discuss the process of becoming engaged and betrothed. But, there are still a lot of guys out there who want to bring on that old-fashioned, old-school flourish of theatrics, high romance and sweet surprise with an unexpected proposal that will knock her off her feet. Not literally, but figuratively; in fact, perhaps it’s you who anticipates being off your feet – and rather down on one knee, when you eagerly, earnestly ask for her hand in marriage, whilst presenting her with an amazing, show-stopping diamond engagement ring, which you have chosen, without her knowledge. If this is what you have in mind for that momentous occasion, then read on, as we are going to share some insider tips with you. For many moons, men around the world have pondered, “How do I pick an engagement ring without her knowing?” Let’s discuss. 

> When you've decided to ‘POP THE QUESTION’- To surprise, or not to surprise – that is the question!

What sort of surprise are you planning?

There are a few variables here, and it’s important that you decide exactly what variety of surprise you wish to perform.

Do you have in mind:

  • A total and utter surprise. She has no idea you are going to pop the question, is not expecting it. As a couple you have not really discussed it; or maybe a little, but more hypothetically than seriously. You have certainly not talked about diamond engagement rings.
  • Didn’t see that coming! She’s not expecting you to pop the question anytime soon, though you and she have talked about the potential of taking next steps.
  • A fabulous surprise. She didn’t predict the question popping just yet, but you have discussed it at length and even looked at rings together.

You will need to have a clear game plan, and depending on which of (a), (b) or (c) you are intending to achieve, your modus operandi will require fine tuning accordingly.

That’s because, (a) – a total and utter, thorough surprise – including the procurement and producing of a sensational diamond engagement ring on the night – is no easy feat to pull off. (b) and (c) are somewhat easier because you will have more to work with.

Planning for scenarios

Let’s say you are going for the whole nine yards – the (a) scenario. We will leave the planning of the occasion and the question popping up to you (although we can also offer some wise words of advice, as it happens, but that’s for another blog). You have decided that you want to go down the time-honoured, traditional path of 100% surprise factor. Choosing a date and a place (perhaps dinner?) and what you are going to say, is hard enough. On top of all that, you have to choose an engagement ring without her knowing – and keep it secret, keep it hidden – until that momentous moment. Now that is going to be the hardest part by far, right? 

Yes and no. We’re not saying it will be easy, but we are here to help. And that, friends, is our first and main gem of advice. Let us help, it’s what we do best! We can also help you with a ‘back up plan’, in case things don’t go quite as expected insofar as the ring is concerned. So that should give you some peace of mind. You can’t go too far wrong.

More about that later, but let’s say you are a man who doesn’t need to ask for help too often. You are confident you can work through the steps involved to pick the perfect ring. That’s great! It has been done many times before, to wonderful effect, and imagine the satisfaction when that time comes; not only to win her hand, but know inside that you did it yourself, your way. It’s a great tale to tell and an effort to be proud of. It will certainly impress your bride-to-be in a major way, and what better way to start off a beautiful life together than by putting your best foot forward in such a manner. Not to mention the foot you put forward when you go down on one knee…

Naturally, you’ll need our help at some stage, unless you’re planning on making the ring yourself! But, if you want to be super prepared before coming in to talk to us about that engagement ring, consider the following questions and suggestions.

What sort of ring will she like?

Now, many of you may have a fairly good notion about what style engagement ring your lady will fall head over heels with. If you fall into this category, that’s excellent, you are off to a great start! 

Or, do you have a vague idea, but aren’t sure what sort of ring will be the right bling? If this is you; are there some subtle ways of ascertaining what sorts of stones and settings she is drawn to, without giving the game away? Perhaps just by noting the kinds of jewellery items she already owns, or carefully observing what she looks adoringly at when you pass by a jewellery shop. 

Or, can you enlist an accomplice? A partner in crime could be one of your lady’s good friends, or perhaps your own mother or sister cold help out? But beware, engaging an accomplice in this nature of subterfuge is very risky business; it could easily lead to detection. 

At Paul Bram we are happy to spend as long as it takes talking with you about the lady in question, to see if together, we can work out what form of finger fashion will be right. We have a number of ways and means of getting a pretty good idea about what type of engagement ring sounds like it will fit the bill for the individual, and advising from there.

Another option is to simply go for a tried and tested all-time favourite. It’s quite possible you won’t go wrong with a simple but stunning solitaire diamond on a gold or platinum setting. 

What about ring size?

If you are planning on the engagement ring you present when you pop the question as being the forever ring, then obviously you want it to fit correctly. If you are going for an all-out surprise, this could be tricky. The best way to deduce band size is if you can get your hands on a ring which she may wear on the same finger on her right hand, which many ladies do. 

Then, if you are able to, bring it to us to make a precise measurement, or we can explain to you how to make an accurate measurement at home. Contact us for details. 

If she doesn’t usually wear a ring on that finger, perhaps you could buy a fun jewellery item when you’re on holiday or for some of sort of innocuous reason – make a note of the band size and keep that info on the down low. 

But don’t worry if you can’t get this element dead right from the get-go. Bands can be re-sized without much trouble at all; it happens all the time. In fact, down the track, many people need to get them adjusted, as their body shape and finger widths change over time.

OK, so if you are Gentleman (a), you have the info and the inspo ready to go, work out what you want to spend, then come and see us, we will take it from there and make the journey as smooth as possible. If we could, we would come along on the night to cheer you on, but that might get in the way of the surprise! 

Now, for all you guys who are in the (b) division. You have talked about getting hitched, but she’s not expecting the question to be popped just yet. It sounds as though you have at least discussed engagement rings, so you are half way there. If you are at that point where you know what she wants and you know what you’re going to do – then go for it! As mentioned above, if you’re not completely sure about finger size, try the tactics discussed, but don’t fret if not, it can be sorted later. So for you guys, all you need to do is make sure you keep it nicely hidden until the big day. If you prefer, we are more than happy to hold it for you at our premises until you’re ready to rock.

Group (c). Your way forward is far more straightforward. The only thing she doesn’t know is that you are definitely going to get down on bended knee, sooner than she suspects. You’ve looked at rings together but she doesn’t know that are about to purchase one. If you have decided on the ring you want, together, then all you need to do is to give us the go ahead. You may have to wait if it’s being custom made, during which time you can make plans for the occasion. 

If the two of you got to the point where you were 95% sure which engagement ring you preferred, but not comprehensively, can you make the call? We are very happy to discuss this with you and can very likely help you resolve it. Again, don’t forget, settings can be altered, even stones can be changed, depending on how customised your purchase is. 

Is there a backup plan?

You may have a relationship with your jeweller, whereby they are willing to ‘loan’ you a ring for the night of the question popping, provided you are committed to proceeding with a purchase at some point soon. It could be a ring which is as close as possible to the ring you believe your lady will love. However, if it turns out to be not exactly the right look or fit, or both, you bring it back in to us and together – your new fiancée, yourself and your consultant at Paul Bram will sit down and determine what exactly is the perfect ring, which will then be commissioned for you. In the meantime, you have pulled off that super surprise, become engaged – now the perfect ring is on its way – everyone wins!

That’s what we like to see at Paul Bram; winning hearts and perfect matches – with the rings you choose and as happily ever after couples.